9. Ek nadi thi

8. The Story teller

Note 1 : I made a promise to self not to speak of anyone explicitly on this blog, but here I am breaking my rule 1. Now that I have warned you, proceed at your risk..

Despite the continuous ongoing drama in the valley, the journey never stopped surprising me.This time, a company in chaos.

With her by my side, what was turning into sleepy groovy bass turned into an unpredictable hi pitched synthesizer beats.

We settled down at Wani restaurant after early sunrise where the lorry drivers were smoking.

She pulled out a cigarette cursing the smokers in mute and took one long shot saying “smoking takes away lives faster, do not smoke.. EVER” as if its her last breath and passed it on tossing away the ashes.

Taking the cig into hands, what she said and what she did was a head-scratcher..

I looked at her shifting my eyes from the cigarette onto her. She  was already wearing an evil smile.

Somehow I secretly began hating the recent developments : having a company being #1.

I only chose to travel alone so that I have all these memories associated with me, just me.
But silently she nudged her way into my moments, disqualifying this for a solo trip.

This doctor had the unswerving wisdom that can destroy any romanticism left in cupid, responding loudly to emotions with reasoning, science and fluent sarcasm.

At breakfast, we fed ourselves with left over insults from last night.

When we returned back to the hotel, Sheikh Bhai asked her about her stay with his infectious smile, “as long as it pleases”, she replied looking at the mountains.

There goes the commitment phobic“, I said.

She turned back and tried to look serious.
Instead, she broke out smiling turn back towards me to shut up.
Dimple left her cheeks long after smile has left.

This wasn’t the first time I have seen “her smile”. It was during one of my poor joke the other day that earned her first smile.

One thing led to another and we began discussing what led us to the Kargil despite the insurgency and its sad state.

When I summarized my life story and what has built me to the moment, she was sitting opposite to me with a terrific stillness.

Unable to comprehend, I took my chai glass for warmth. Then began music in background.. “emotional atyaachar” from DevD.

And she grinned like a donkey.

I was angry the moment and smiling the next. She had a infectious thin air laugh too cute to watch.

“template life wouldn’t suit you”, she said.

In her words, “we wear a practical mask. we make excuses with this practical mask; the worst being “Afterall, I am a human being” thing. Being a human being doesn’t entitle one to play with others emotions or time. You need not live in everyone’s perspectives. There’s no wrong in being wrong. You are not 50, but precisely half of it.
Live your age….. love is noble,courageous only in fairy tales while in real life, its a cover for one’s selfishness…… (a good 5 min monologue)… +rumi metaphor 

“Live your age” is what stayed with me.

From then, the “emosional atyachaar” has become my ringtone.

The chotti Eid in Kangan with sheik bhai’s family, the wazwaan cooked together, the improvised movie conversations, serious puns exchanged, sharing playlists, listening to just released ADHM, Mirzya.., playng with sheikh bhai’s kids, she fighting to read my unpublished wordpress drafts in onenote., … and many little little moments which felt like an era lived too soon.

It wasn’t a dream, for the place is already a dream.

Sindhu river in moonlight

While I was contemplating on taking up the job back in hyderabad.. she spoke while watching night tv..

“You earned it… there’s no glory in throwing away what you achieved. That’s not disgracing yourself, but your effort. You’ve did it once years ago, don’t do it again..”

With a sponsored ticket, flew back the very next day with lot of hesitation to leave the place with a fear that we may no see each other.

Zendagi Migzara… I’ve told myselves.. life must go on.

Farewell is an event when a closed one becomes stranger again,
this farewell has made a stranger into closed one.

Our rooms


One day on a sea shore,

conversation between ocean water and rocks went like this

Don’t you have any moment of despair ?

Why would you hit me with your tiny waves?
I’m not gonna move an inch..

I’ve felt the setback several times.

I was calm as dead in the middle of the deep sea.
But then, my friend Air created ripples in me.
At dusk and dawn tides motivated me, pushed me to try further

you are rich with pearls, fishes, treasure and minerals.. why me?

How could my inclusion make you complete ?
Don’t you see, I have my roots here, My family is here.

Did you observe basalt deposits on you I’ve managed to protect you with ?
I’ve made you smoother with these waves
Don’t you feel the synergy, It would be good if we unite

I’ve seen your confluence with the rivers,

What identity is she left with?

Her waters got much space to explore now..

I could make you soft like beach sand…
Children would love to build castles with you
People would love you when they feel you beneath their feet..

I don’t need that quantum leap

This is my home and it will be..
I don’t wish to be trapped in a glass-hour
When your waves become intense,
you drag people into you and kill some.
I don’t wish to be part of that blood-bath

I would rather be safe-point here than a pleasure prize
One day, this algae might wash away from me.
There is room for hope If I stand strong..

Yesterday, I’ve decided not to join you

and some yesterdays always remain

Sometimes standing still could be the best move.

I love your companionship!!

You are the one motivating me by constantly challenging
You might wash away sand beneath me
but you couldn’t make me fall ever
I don’t yearn for a comfort zone

next time, don’t just gently touch me with your waves
Splash me with your energy..

This shore is our meeting place
This shore is my Paradise.

Ocean – the way world works
Rocks – your moralities/inhibitions